So it all started when I was 12. My parents marige completly shattered after 20 years.. We had it all.. The beautiful house that my mom designed in the country, the two parents and two children, soon to be three, and a dog. My dad owned his own trucking company haling gasoline and my mom was a stay at home mother. Everything seemed so wonderful. In reality, it was only wonderful to outsiders. Our family was ripped apart by my dads selfishness. My mom was on bed rest for 6 weeks in the summer of 2000 pregnant with my younger sister, while my dad left my other sister and I home with the teenager accross the street while he want to shove the money that his deceased parents left him down the lace pantys of strippers with his friends. He started doing drugs.. A lot of them.. He had a whole seperate cell phone for all of his "lady friends" He was living a double life. After my sister, Faith, was born my mom soon found out about my dads "wild nights" with his young lady friends and his friends. There was a woman that called my dads phone, Michelle, My mom answered and soon figured out who she was. Michelle said she was so sorry and that she had no idea and hung up the phone. My mom was devistated and threw my father out of the house. That's where my story begins..
After my dad left things between my mom and I were still okay, because I was still so young. It's when I hit 13 or 14 that we really started to argue. We argued over everything.. I hated the fact that she had a boyfriend and let him constantly sleep over, in the bed that my dad used to sleep in. I hated when he sit in my dads recliner, I just hated the fact that he was "replacing" my dad in a way. We argued about cleaning, we argued about school, even though I was an honor roll student in midde school she STILL found something to argue with me about. My mother was not the same after my dad left.. She slowly started "loosing" it persay.. In the middle of my 8th grade year I decided that I could not put up with my mother any longer and went to live with my father in Falmouth, Massachusetts. My mother dropped me off and my dad picked me up while he was working and I never saw my mother for longer then 6 hours again, for 2 1/2 years that is. She never called, and never came by. My dad had a two bedroom apartment in Falmouth, Massachusetts.. He used one of the rooms as his bedroom in the back near the kitchen and the other one as a computer/laundry room. So I stayed on the couch. Which I was okay with at the time, anything was better then living with my mom. So I got settled into my new surroundings, erolled in the local middle school, continued to keep my grades up and made all new friends. Things seemed to be going alright.. I loved living with him. We were always so close. I trusted him. Two months went by and everything seemed to be going alright.. Until early to late may of 2008. One night I was laying on the couch trying to sleep when I realized that I couldn't sleep because a piece of wood from under the cushions of the couch was digging into my back. My dad was home from work that nigt, he worked primarily nights because he was a truck driver. I noticed that his light was still on in his bed room so I got up, knocked on the door and went in. He was just laying there watching tv. I asked if I could sleep on the other side of his bed seeing how it was huge and I couldn't take another night of being on the couch. He said "No.. I don't want you in here." Now my dad was always kind of a grumpy, sirly, kind of guy. So I just took it like he was just being his grouchy self and was in a mood or something. I replied "No dad, I promise I'll be good and go right to sleep, I'll sleep in the corner, I promise I won't take up much space." He told me to get in bed and go to sleep. So I did. It was a Friday night, I had no school the next day so I planned on getting up at 2 a.m with him and riding in the truck all day.. Like I had been doing since I was eight years old. So I fell asleep for an hour or so un-destirbed. I was awoken to the feeling of somebody pulling me out of the corner of the bed and groping me. Trying to get my clothes off.. I was very much awake but I pretended to be asleep because I was scared to death. It was my dad.. He pulled me close to him and was touching me all over. I held my hands tight and close to my body and curled my legs up.. He stated talking to me.. Telling me stories of when he was a kid. He told me how his brother sexually molested him when he was a boy, and how he begun to like it. He told me about how he went on to do it to other boys in his neighbor hood, and his boy scouts troop. He told me how he went on to do it to his younger sister.. I said nothing, still pretending to be asleep. I thought I was having a really really bad dream. He rolled onto his back and I tried to go back to my corner but he had a tight grip on me. He started to touch my behind and he started to masturbate. Which also scared me because I had no idea about anything sexual at that point in my life. After he finished he released me and fell back asleep. I went to the farthest possible corner of the bed in shock an fell back asleep. At 2 a.m his alarm went off for work. He got up and turned the light on and said good-morning. I rolled over and looked at him and thought to myself "okay.. nothing weird.. I must have drempt it all." So I got up and got dressed, we left our apartment, got into the car and went to the yard where his truck was. We got into the truck and started a normal work day. He didn't say anything to me, touch me, or even look at me wrong, and that's the way it stayed, until the end of the work day.. We were in Cambridge at a gas station on Mt. Auburn street and he got back into the trucked and looked at me and said "So last night.. Do you remember?" I thought to myself "Shit.. It wasn't a dream" I answered "Yes, I do" He asked me if I liked what he did and what I thought about all the things that he told me. I told him that I felt bad that his brother did that to him.. He didn't say anything back to me. Then he looked at me and asked "Do you think this will turn into something?" I replied "What do you want to turn into something, you're my dad. I'm not going to have sex with you." He looked at me with this very mean look on his face and said "That's fine. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." So we got back to Falmouth from Boston and droppd the truck off and got into the car to go home and he asked if when we got home if I would shower with him. I said no, that I didn't think that was a good idea. He told me that it would be fun. Then he asked me to preform oral sex on him after the shower. I said "that's disgusting" He said "I'm your father, I love you the most. Do you think I would ever hurt you? Why can't you trust me?!" He looked dissapointed and hurt.. So I said "I do trust you, and I don't think you would ever hurt me.. I'm just scared" He said "Well you having nothing to be afraid of." So when we got home I did what he asked me to do. I remeber it being horrible.. I hated showering with my own father. He went into the bedroom and put pornography on the tv.. He told me to come into his bedroom.. He told me to climb into bed.. And I did. He asked me to preform oral sex on him, and I did. I was disgusted, I mostly just held my face over him. I thought I was going to be sick. He told me to lay back, I did. He started to preform oral sex on me. I completly disconnected from everything that was going on.. I couldn't feel anything, hear anything he was saying or hear the tv. All I felt was tears starting to roll down my face. I was paralized with fear, everything inside of me was screaming STOP, tell him to stop but I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I loved my dad, I trusted my dad,I didn't want to dissapoint or hurt my dad. So I let it happen. He stopped after a while and began to masturbate again, once he finished I went into the far corner of the bed and fell asleep. That night marked to begining of my 2 1/2 year nightmare..
After that night he began having full intercorse with me. I remember the first time, how bad it hurt. I never screamed.. I just lay there, totally disconected from the world. I would put a blanket or my stuffed girraffe over my face but he would pull it off. I often began to cry, he would ask if I was "okay" even though I obviously wasn't.. I remember praying "Lord please let this man get off of me.. Please make it stop" again everything inside of me was screaming for help. The whole summer went on like that. I started my freshman year in high school at Falmouth High.. My grades went way down and I would often stay home from school because I was too tired to get up, seeing how my dad would bother me at all hours of the night. My dad was never mean to me, he never hurt me physically at the begining. Twords the end of my freshman year he started to get really mean.. He started biting me in my vaginal area. He started pulling my hair and hitting me everywhere.. I knew it was never going to stop and it was only getting worse. I finished up my freshman year missing 98 days of school.. I appealed my credit loss and was able to gain the credit back by assuring the school that it was underlying heath issues that kept me home and that it wouldn't happen next year. So I moved onto my Sophmore year at Falmouth high.. Things had only gotten worse over the summer. I started making friends with older guys in the area. They all hung around with young girls despite their age and they all lived at home with no money and no job. So they of course saw that I was young, they knew my dad had a lot of money which meant I had a lot of money soo they used me. My dad still hadn't stopped anything he was doing and was becoming more paranoied that I would tell somebody. He hated my friends, he was jealous.. He thought I was sleeping with them all. My sophmore year was my hardest year. My new group of older friends got me the name of the "school slut." My dad started leaving hickies so bad on me that they bled.. Which all the make-up in the world couldn't cover so in school that didn't help my new "title." The kids in school constantly harrassed me about the hickies, asked me who they were from. I made up a fake boyfriend and told them all that they were from him. My dad started bringing me to strp clubs.. Which I told who I thought was my best friend about and it got around the school like wild fire, which didn't help my new reputation either. My 6th period enviormental class was the worst one.. There was a group of boys who wouldn't stop harrassing me for the entire class.. The teacher never said or did anything. I smiled and laughed with them but really I was thinking "yeah, if you only really knew." My child development class was also not a pleasnt one either. The teacher constantly gave me lectures about how hickies were bad to get. It was an ENTIRE class of girls.. Mostly the "popular" girls. They never stopped asking about the hickes.. School was never an escape for me. In the middle of the year, around Febuary, one of my older friends asked me for a good amount of money. He told me that he needed to pay a speeding ticked with it and if he didn't that he would get locked up. I really liked him, and my dad had so much cash in his gun safe so I gave it to him. I found out that he bought rims with them.. I posted how much of an asshole he was on Facebook for doing what he did to me. My aunt saw it and called my dad. My dad was irate.. He came home and screamed at me. Took me to the police department and filed statutory rape charges against my "friend." He was thrown in jail and the money that I lent him was attached as restitution. This guy was pretty popular with the girls at FHS, I know, big schocker there. So I was most hated for that too.. Girls were horrible to me about it. My dad was still irate, even though he was going to get the money back. He came home one day while I was still in bed. He went to Walmart to buy another safe to put all of his money in b.c he couldn't trust that I wouldn't give more to another friend. He came through the door put the small safe down and entered his bedroom, where I was. He started screaming at me about what a "fucking slut idiot" I am and how he hates that he had to lock things up in his own house. He had his keys in his hand.. He got over me on the bed, pined me down and started screaming and spitting in my face. He ripped what I was wearing off my body, put his hand through the huge clip his keys were attatched to and beat me with them in the back and in the face. I was hysterical, screaming for help and trying to kick him off me. He threw me where the wall met the bed where I hit my head so hard that I passed out. They last thing I remember him saying was "you good for nothing, no good stupid whore." I woke up in the fetal position grasping the ripped shirt that I had on. I knew I had to get out. I knew he was going to kill me. I stayed out of school for the entire week.
The rest of the school year was kind of a blur.. I didn't go that often. Nothing changed. Well summer came and went again. I met this awesome Brazillian guy and we started dating. I spent a lot of time with him at his house.. He was over the apartment a lot. It was nice to feel cared about. Though it didn't stop my dad from doing what he always did to me he didn't really seem like he minded it. Soon it was to go back to school again for my junior year. I went the first week and then I had to go on a trip to South America with my dad. He wanted to move there and start a Bio Desil producing busiess.. So we flew to the other side of the world to look at land and price different oils. Nothing was different out there, he still did the same things to me andtook me to strip clubs. Only it was leagal for me to go to them there. I got back into the United states and didn't want to go back to school. Ever. I was tired of all the shitty kids, I was tired of teachers and I was just plain tired of being tired. So I dropped out. Soon after that my younger sister, Emily, started arguing with my mom. Going through the same thing I went though only 5x worse. So she wanted to move in with us. I called my mom and BEGGED her not to let her come to Falmouth.. I cried.. Her response? "Tia, you are just jealous that you will have to share your dad." So Emily moved in with us right before Thanksgiving. I knew it was only a matter of time before he started doing the same thing to her. He made comments to me about it all the time. I knew I had to do something. My dad knew it too.. He became more paranoid then he already was. He started sleeping with an assalt riffle next to the bed incase he felt me get up at night to go and talk to Emily on the couch. He locked me in the closet one night while Emily was at a friends house.. He was hitting me more. I was getting so beat down everyday.. So I left while he was working. I went to my boyfriends house down the street. Even thought it was just for a few days I needed the brake. So the last night at my boyfriends I got sick.. I called my father for a ride "home." He was in a really bad mood when he showed up to get me. He had Emily in the car. I got into the car and he started screaming at me about how I shouldn't think for one second that I'm going to move in with my boyfrind, he called me a failure for dropping out of school.. He was basically screaming at me about everything. I was already really sick, so i completly lost it. I started hysterically crying and when we got home I locked myself in his bedroom. I collapsed on the floor, I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore.. There was a knock at the door and I screamed "leave me alone, go away." I was my sister.. She said "Tia, please let me in.. Let me help you, please." So I crawled to the door and I unlocked it, let her in and locked it again behind us. She looked at me and said "What Tia? Please tell me what's going on" And I said " I can't tell youy right now, but I will when the time is right." And she said, " please tell me now." It was like vomit.. The words I've been wanting to say, the words I couldn't say. The hurt, the lies.. EVERYTHING came out it one scentence. "Dad has been rapeing me." She looked at me, covered her mouth and tears started to come down her face.
I said "It's all my fault! I never said NO, I don't know why I never said no." And she looked at me and said "Tia, you should have NEVER had to say no." To this day that is the best thing that anybody has ever said to me. In that moment I realized how sick my father was.. I realized for the first time that it wasn't my fault. Emily said "Where are we going to go? We have to go." I said "No.. Please don't say anything. I need time and a plan.. I promise I won't let him hurt you." She said "okay, I promise."
Novemeber went by.. same shit. Then December came around.. It had almost been one month since I told my sister. It was going to be Christmas soon so I started ordering things for the girls online with my dads credit card. And things for myself, an for friends. I spent a lot of money but didn't think he would notice since he made so much and didn't pay too much attention to things like finances. So on December 17th of 2010 my dad went to work and my sister and I were at the apartment. She was getting ready to go to a birthday party for one of her friends and we started arguing about something, I don't remember what it was. Soo.. She knew I had been using my dads credit card to get things for Christmas so she called him and told him that I was ordering things. She left for her party and he called me from the truck and said "Tia, I know what you've been doing. This time I am going to kill you.. and your sister." I was flustered with fear, he was serious and I knew it. So I took my cell phone into his bedroom and dialed my moms number. She didn't pick up the first time so I called again before I lost my nerve. She answered and I started crying. She asked what was wrong and I said "Mom you need to come and get me, and you need to get here fast." She said "Are you hurt?! Do I need to call an ambulance?!" I said "No, you just need to get here" She asked "Why? I need to know why before I come." I said " Dad, it's dad." And she said "Tia did he touch you?" And I said "Yes.. He raped me" And she said "Once?" And I said "No for almost 3 years" She started to cry and she said that she was coming right away. I hung up the phone and shoved everything i could fit of mine and Emily's into suitcases, back packs and trash bags. My boyfriend knocked at the door and I answered and told him I was leaving, I told him everything. My mom pulled in witha police escort of 3 crusiors. They came up the stairs and took my things, put them in my moms car and then my mom and I got into one of the crusiors and I was taken to Falmouth Hospital where a rape kid was preformed and my blood was taken. My mom called my aunts, my dads sisters. They were horrified and were at the hospital.. One of my aunts made the mistae of calling my dads brother, Gregg.. Gregg called my dad and told him to get the hell out of town because I said something and every officer in Falmouth was looking for him. So I left the hospital and my mom didn't want me at her house beacuse of the fact that he might come looking for me. She and the girls stayed with her boyfriend in Bridgewater, Ma and Istayed with my aunt Kim in Fairhaven, Ma. When I woke up in the morning I felt like a new person. To know that he would NEVER touch me again was the best feeling in the world. I went back to my moms once the weekend was over. My dad ran, the police couldn't find him. So after I went to this place called the Childrens Cove in Barnstable, Ma to give the police and SAIN workers a depisition of what happened they put us in a hotel until they found him. He had already been missing for 3 or 4 days. That night in the hotel my moms cell phone rang and it was the police saying that they found him in Falmouth while his truck was stuck in the snow. They arrested him and he was put in jail with $50,000 bail. My uncle posted the bail after a few months and he got out. The court proceedings started.. I got two lawyers and he got a private criminal defence attorney. We started at Falmouth district court.. Where he plead not guilty to, Rape of a child, Aggravated rape, incest, disemination of porn to a minor, and prostitution of a minor. District court was just the begining...
So where am I now? I'm living on my own, trying to pick up the peices of my life and put them back together. I've been in 2 physc hospitals for attempted suicide, one foster home, and a residential program. As you may have gathered, my mother has been of no help to me and we rarely talk now. Emily and I are stil and ALWAYS will be VERY close. I'm doing much better now. I am very happy with my life and suicide is no longer an option that crosses my mind when I get sad. I work a regular job and go to school. The best thing I can do for myself is to not let him take anymore of my life then he already has. After a lot of hard work I am begining to do just that, and live for myself and do what makes me happy. I am very thankful that I was blessed with the strength to get through everything I did.
As for my dad.. In July of this year he plead guilty to all of the charges in Barnstable Supirior court right befor it went to a jury trial. He was scentenced to 10 years in a maximum security prison.. He's was also given 25 years probation if and when he gets out. After completing his time it is believed that he will hve to stay for an additional 5-10 years at a hospital where they deal with high level sex offenders. People always ask me how I view my dad. Despite everything I view my dad as my dad still. In order to be able to move on with my life in a positive way i have forgiven my dad for everything he's done to me. I still love him very much and I really hope that he realizes EVERYTHING he's done to me was wrong. Will I ever talk to him again? That's something I don't know if I can do. It will be a long time before I even considor the thought...
Thanks for reading.. If you have any comments or questions or if you've been through or are going through something similar in your life please feel free to contact me. Thanks for reading...
My E-mail: katja143@live.com
